I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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