cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
