Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
