I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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