I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
