At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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