I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
