yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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