Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
