i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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