What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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