i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I AM VODKA MAN
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
