As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
