really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
