I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
