hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
