Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
