The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
