I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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