Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
