eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could make wine with my vomit
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
