i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want to fling myself into the sun
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