ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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