Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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