You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
pray to the hookup gods
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
