just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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