Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
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What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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