Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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