watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
