can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
