My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
