i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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