Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
