I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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