hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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