Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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