a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
