If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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