So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
