your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
