She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
