conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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