His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
