her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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