Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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