4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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