Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
