it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
