So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
