yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
