just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
