Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
