Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
