yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
