My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
