last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
