who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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