i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
