wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
