How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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