my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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