I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
