CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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