I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
