Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
