I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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