I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
