Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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