I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
