Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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