You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We left the knife in your bed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
