Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
