found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
