Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
