Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
