There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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