but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
