and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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