ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
