in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
